Do Offal and Music Mix?

How does one adequately submit a dissertation,on arguably New Zealand's most eclectic & satarical band??

Well let's try, by starting with the lead guitarist, who at one point used the pseudonym 'Gaylord Jesus'. Then there's the duet of 'Tennessee Pussy' & 'Bi-Curious George' (imagine the two chicks out of the B52's, but with attitude and a more liberal application of the both the English language and body art) A hyperactive rhythm section that's currently masquerading under the names 'Doghart' and 'El Grinlound Frajillo' – well at least that's the names they used last week anyway. Then into the stage presence: ball-room dress's for the fellas, and for your added viewing pleasure a selection of dubious super 8 films. Include the occasional bucket of offal for crowd control, and a musical style that ranges from country to prog rock. Kind of Blerta meets The Mothers of Invention with a hint of Coney Island Freak Show,but not exactly.

And what we have got for dinner mum?

MEAT-BIX!

Not again, we had it last night.

Their musical 'piesta resistance' has to be that grand ol' piss-taking anthem 'I've Got a Hard-On for Jesus' (not to be confused with a song with the same title by 'The Dandy Warhols', which is also worthy of a check-out)

This knees-up ditty is deserving of a wider audience, so you have the chance to play it here and sing & dance along with the family at the same time.

Ask yourself - has blasphemy ever been this much fun and been so damn catchy?!

"I've got a Hard-On for Jesus" by Meat-Bix.

I went down to the church, to have myself a pray

On the cross was my Saviour and Lord

Well he was lookin' 'bout as naked as a jaybird

And I felt somethin' growin' in my shorts.

I've got a hard on for Jesus

It's bulging 'gainst my leg, can't you see?

Yes, I've got a hard on for Jesus

And Jesus has his hard on for me

Yeah, Jesus has his hard on for me.
I felt the devil pull me asunder

These thoughts of mine, they filled me with such shame

Well he was looking so right fine and perty

I fell on my knees and wanked off in his name

Yes, I fell on my knees and wanked off in his name.

'Cos I've got a hard on for JesusIt's bulgin' 'gainst my leg, can't you see?

Yeah, I've got a hard on for Jesus H. Christ

And Jesus has his hard on for me

Yeah, Jesus has his hard on for me.

His bedroom eyes were burnin', they were searin' my soul

He didn't have to say any words
I felt the hand of Jesus give that final downstroke

And I shot my load and shouted Praise the Lord (PRAISE THE LORD!)

Yeah I shot my load and shouted PRAISE THE LORD!!!

More about Meatbix here: http://www.myspace.com/meatbix

Buy Meatbix's seven track debut EP here: http://www.myspace.com/galaxyrecordsnz

The Internet Radio Revolution HAS Begun

In 1951 crumple zones were first developed by Mercedes-Benz as a part of their ‘standard’ vehicle production. 1982 Mercedes introduced pre-tensioned seat-belts, we think nothing of today. Anti-locking brakes, traction control and airbags, are all Mercedes innovations, now standard on modern vehicles. In 2008 all new Mercedes will roll-off the production-line armed with an internet radio. That means motorists in Europe and the U.S can tune into 'Pure NZ Alt Radio' as they cruise along the autobahn or freeway. Just how frigging cool is that! Kiwi music blaring out of those car speakers - broadcast over the net from a radio station run out of a Christchurch study! Yes folks, what is innovative one day, rapidly becomes 'standard' the next. And in the not too distant future as internet radio become the norm in cars & households around the globe, existing commercial music stations will crumble as low cost specialist shows like this eat into their market.You can listen to the music you want to hear.Be it Lithuanian Follk Songs, Death Metal or Acid Jazz, there is an internet station playing exactly what you want to hear.

The internet radio revolution HAS started.

You read it here first.

Footnote: A portable Wifi Internet Radio is already on N.Z shelves at Dick Smith Electronics for NZ$300 (approx US$230)

Life in the fridge exists

Cripes, I now have a blog!

Sh*t that means more time on the internet (imagines hearing wives complaining voice in his ear & begins sweating profusely)

To get down to brass tacks my blog is an attempt to further publicise my humble little radio station that went to air (do internet stations do that?) in December and needs a kick in the pants marketing wise, so punters can discover its existence, and tune in.

That’s hard to do with a marketing budget of: zip, nout, not one brass razoo.

So here we are, it’s my chance to post some crap that will attract punters to my station courtesy of those nifty google spider things that lurk in the shadows and hopefully may even grace this insignificant ‘speck of dust’ site.

So what’s been happening at Pure NZ Alt Radio since I returned from my Christmas Hol’s?

Well a sh*t load really.

Over the past couple of weeks, since I began my publicity offensive, there’s been a day by day growth in both listener numbers and hours.

That’s encouraging that I’m striking a cord (no pun intended) with some folk on this spinning piece of rock.

Interestingly over 40 per cent of those listeners are from outside New Zealand.

Ohh errr.

My play-list is close to 15 hours and was completely cleaned out only 5 days ago so all content is fresh ‘to consume’.

From vinyl rips, obscure overseas re-releases, limited run e.p’s and other stuff buried in the vault (a.k.a dusty boxes in my garage) comes some real gems:

- Pterodactyls
- Fetus Productions
- Ballon D’eassi
- Bird Nest Roys
- Cakekitchen
- Doublehappys
- Goblin Mix
- Great Unwashed
- Heazlewood
- Jean Paul Satre Experience
- King Loser
- Look Blue Go Purple
- Loves Ugly Children
- The Mad Scene
- Nocturnal Projections
- Tall Dwarfs
- Wasp Factory

And these are just the ones I can remember! They say you lose ‘x’ amount of brain cells with every drink you have.

So listen out for that obscure song you thought was lost to time and fascist record companies who wouldn’t know music if it sat on them.

All that ol' stuff, plus the brand-spanking latest outpourings I’ve got my grubby paws on.

That's stuff by:

- Batchelorette
- Maryrose Crook
- The Tweeks
- The Sneaks
- Shocking Pinks
- Ghost Club
- Meat Bix
- Mint Chicks
- Die! Die! Die!

SO TUNE IN THIS VERY SECOND!

There’s a link to the left.

See ewes going baa.




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